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Dealing with Midlife Guilt & Shame: Learn Your Lessons Well!

John Bradshaw, the award winning author of “Healing the Shame that Binds You ” says that “shame is the all pervasive sense that [you] are flawed and defective as a human being.”  Guilt, on the other hand, means you have committed a wrongdoing and feel bad about it.  Shame is more personal, intrinsic.  It is more about who you are, not about what you did. Both are human emotions that cause you to put a negative label on yourself, when it’s not who you really are. 15234996483_f47c500c42_o

What parent hasn’t said, “I could’ve been a better parent.”  What child hasn’t said, “I could have done more for my aging parent.”

You are human and you will make mistakes. … CONTINUE READING

When You Retire: Reinventing Yourself at Midlife

With a surprising number of boomers heading towards retirement, most are not ready to spend their days hitting the golf balls or playing bridge. Instead they are looking to the future with enthusiasm and gusto.  Why?  Because they know that now they can finally do what they’ve always wanted to do.  Whether it’s learning a new instrument (I’m learning the ukulele), studying a new language, writing a book or going back to school for training, they are excited about what lies ahead.52

How do you get that kind of enthusiasm?  Understand that most people “our” age are living a lot longer — in fact well into their 80’s. … CONTINUE READING

Feeling Good: A Blueprint for Reaching Your Goals

   img_11111The New Year brings on new energy, new commitments and new goals for many boomers. This means a resurgence of excitement and renewal in body, mind and spirit. Often, boomers decide to go on diets, clean out their closets, begin exercise programs and make other changes that improve and enhance their lives for the better. 

What they don’t do is keep the momentum going so that it lasts more than a few months. Does this sound like you? Do you want to make your life better, but fall short after it seems too hard, too tedious or too much work?

What steps can you take to permanently reach your goals?… CONTINUE READING

How to Gain Self-Awareness: The Key to Personal Growth

It is important to be self-aware because without it, behaviors are repeated over and over again with the same result.  By understanding different strategies and available options, you can choose what is most appropriate, and more important, what you are willing to do to reach your desired goal.

Change cannot happen if your behavior is self-sabotaging or self-defeating and is perpetuating the situation  you want to change.  An understanding, for instance, that it is difficult and uncomfortable to meet your Mr. Right at the local bar, may get you to brainstorm other venues less intimidating and more “genuine” for your personality, ie: sporting events, bookstores, political meetings, gardening classes or civic organizations.  … CONTINUE READING

Making a Difference: Be As Proud As a Peacock!

When my son just earned his PhD from The University of Florida in Biomedical Engineering, you can imagine how proud I was, but it was his pride in having accomplished this amazing goal that made it so wonderful and special.  After all, knowing you have succeeded in completing a monumental task and are now being acknowledged for your efforts – that is something to be proud of.

We, baby boomers, have also felt the pride in accomplishing major things, yet the feeling dissipates after a while and we go back to feeling and being ordinary.  Let’s think about this, for a moment. … CONTINUE READING