Baby Boomers Network

Each of you has a unique way of perceiving the world and reacting to things that happen to you. This is your emotional style and it impacts your life and shapes your personal happiness. However, all this can be changed if you follow some guidelines discussed in the book, “The Emotional Life of your Brain.” by Richard Davidson from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

The idea is to make yourself more resilient as you get older, so you can lead a meaningful, productive, happier life. According to Davidson, you can improve your emotional well-being by improving certain skills. The more you practice these skills, the better you feel and the more effective you become.

What do you need to do to be more flexible and to create the best emotional style for your brain? Here are some things to consider:

Resiliency: To become more resilient, you have to be able to bounce back quickly from adversity. Is that who you are? If not, what do you need to do emotionally to change your mindset so you can overcome the many challenges you face?

Outlook: How long are you able to sustain positive emotions when you are faced with a challenge? In other words, do you freak out immediately, or are you able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that things will improve?

Social intuition: Can you pick up social signals from the people around you and adjust your behavior accordingly? These are the obvious and not-so-obvious messages that are relayed through body language (facial expressions, tone of voice, hand mannerisms, etc.) that people express and that you need to understand when communicating.

Self-awareness: Are you able to identify your feelings when you are in the midst of a crisis? By acknowledging that you are angry, hurt, uncomfortable, frustrated, disappointed, etc. you can move forward and find a suitable solution to your problem.

Sensitivity to context: How good are you at regulating your emotional responses and taking into account the context to which you find yourself? Can you identify what produces a strong reaction in you and then work on eliminating those triggers?

Attention: How sharp and clear are you of your surroundings and the people in your life? Do you notice things or are you oblivious? You need to practice focusing on what you see and make a mental note to retain that information for the future.

Whether you are always upbeat or overshadowed by a dark cloud, you can reshape and transform your life. All it takes is some awareness and a desire to change what is not working for you.

Some boomers are past the empty nest syndrome by many years, yet others may be in the midst of it right now. Whichever you can relate to, there are probably moments when nostalgia and sadness creep in, leaving you feeling at a loss.

This happened to me recently. My husband, Rob and I, took a trip to a state park we used to go to when the kids were young. As a family, we would hike, bike, picnic and enjoy the beautiful surroundings, as it was a haven for many birds and mammals. While Rob and I had a great time taking pictures and biking through the lush hammock, we couldn’t help but remember what we did with the kids so many years ago. “Look, there’s the tree, the kids climbed and the stones they walked across in the pond.” “Remember when we saw the hawk swoop down and catch a snake?” “Do you see their names carved into the wooden bench?” “Can you find the vine they used to swing from?”

There are so many wonderful memories over the years that we try to recapture, but of course we can’t relive them. That’s when I decided to appreciate the new memories we’d be making right now.

As we walked the boardwalk in the Fern Garden, Rob and I held hands and pointed out the special features of nature. “Look at the snake on the vine over there.” “Is that a wild boar or raccoon rustling in the swamp?”

The kids are grown and making their way on their own. But we have these precious new memories to share with them as we move ahead in our lives. While we still have bouts of sadness and recollection, there are many more moments of gratefulness and excitement that we can enjoy together as a couple.

I am lucky. Some boomers have a hard time sharing or bonding with their partners because they have grown apart, since their children “flew the coop.” If that’s your scenario, you can still connect by remembering those early years when parenting was the forefront of your lives. Perhaps that would give you the incentive to find some area you can share together now, so that you continue your journey into the future with hope and satisfaction.

Where did the time go? It seems just yesterday my son was playing in little league and my daughter was taking ballet lessons. I used to be the young woman with little kids and now I’m Ma’am or getting into the movies on a senior pass.

My tiny kitten is now a full-grown cat, my small palm tree towers over the house and my new roof is about nine years old. It’s depressing to think that time continues to move on and the years keep passing without being able to stop it.

But even as I keep aging and tearing the calendar pages off the wall, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m feeling so much more confident than I used to be and more aware of my true direction and purpose - which is very exciting!

All my life’s experiences have changed me. Because I ran a domestic abuse program, I can now speak in front of hundreds of people without breaking a sweat and talk candidly on many topics, including the challenges of boomers and single women over 40.

Because I overcame a major health crisis, I have written several motivational books, been on TV/radio, collaborated with other professionals on workshops, seminars and online courses and even hosted a cruise for 50 single women. Could this have happened when I was a young woman, discovering my purpose and full potential?

Probably not. I needed to experience many challenges, both in my health and career and also work through much adversity before I came to where I am today.

You, too, can feel empowered and look forward to many exciting years ahead. Think about the events of your past and decide if it didn’t make you a better, more diverse person who is strong and determined. Perhaps the questions below can help you reassess where you are now, since the insights could be transforming.

Did a previous hardship make you determined to enjoy life now?
Can you look at that hardship as a stepping-stone to bigger and better things?
Was that challenge something you are actually grateful for?
Are you a better person because of it?
Would you have it happen again if you had a choice?
Would you have experienced your personal growth if it weren’t for this challenge?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you are using your adversity to propel yourself forward. You are using that life lesson to shift your focus to where you want to be, rather than on what you don’t have. In other words, you are looking forward to creating the best person you can be and to experiencing all the riches you deserve.