Boomer’s Biggest Worry - Are the Kids OK?

A recent article in USA Today sparked my interest. It was about parents and their concern for their adult children or teens having difficulty figuring out their lives. It also addressed the difference between parents being a support and being supportive. Should we be worried?

As a mom of 2 grown children in their 20’s, can I draw the line between being the supportive, but not meddling mom? If I ask too many questions, am I prying? I want to be sure my kids are independent, responsible, bright young adults and therefore, don’t I have the right to find out what’s going on in their lives?

It’s natural for us to give emotional support and I know there is a point where even that can be too much. And it’s not unusual for many of us to give financial support. Would the kids think that’s too much also? My son is married but still in school and my daughter is single, but enjoying her first “real” job. At what point does the subsidizing stop and the kids become officially on their own?

Social psychologist, Jane Adams says that being 20-something is challenging and that our parental thinking will always gravitate towards wondering if the kids will “be fully independent, emotionally as well as financially.” But according to a study done at the University of Haifa in Israel, adult children who are close with their parents are more independent financially and self-sufficient than those who are distant emotionally.

It makes me feel better that I do have a close relationship with my kids and for that I am grateful. However, I know it’s never too late to develop the kind of relationship you would want for the future. Respect, non-judgment, acceptance and good conversation can open the doors to a meaningful connection. Our children will always be our concern. I think they like knowing our care and support for them never ends, no matter how old they get.