You’d think at this stage of your life, things would get easier. After all, the kids aren’t babies any more. They are pretty much on their own. However, who’d expect them to be so rebellious, moody and just plain out of control?
The stress it puts on you and your family is huge and most times you just drop your hands in disgust without knowing what to do. Yet, there are lessons to be learned and strategies you can use to make things better.
Teens are going to argue with you no matter what the issue. This is how they find their place in an adult world, as they learn to transition away from being children to young productive individuals.
If you confront your teen with yelling and screaming, you will get that blank, glazed over look that lets you know they tuned you out. If you don’t bring issues up at all and let things slide, the bad behavior will just repeat itself another time, maybe even worse.
To handle these situations, try speaking in generalities at first, which will give your teen a subtle hint that their behavior is part of the discussion. If you don’t like their sassy tongue, for instance, let them know that if a friend of yours spoke to you that way, you wouldn’t speak to them anymore. That kind of behavior is unacceptable amongst adults, and that since he/she is almost an adult, it is unacceptable for them as well.
When speaking with your teen, you want to be kind, but firm, setting down guidelines and structure for them to follow, but not with the mindset of a disciplinarian. Patience is a key with teens. They need to know their boundaries, by not letting them do whatever they want, but also by not dictating what has to be done. They look for fairness, understanding, empathy and support. They want your time, respect and flexibility.
Show your teen you are willing to change your approach and your difficult teenager may let down their resistance, opening the door to further discussion, consideration and acceptance.
on Dec 17th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Thank you so much your insight. I work at a middle school (in a college town in Ohio) which I believe reflects a cross section of America, in terms of race and social status. I think teachers bear the brunt of this teenage turbulence. Teachers have taken upon themselves the challenge that mandates even teens, despite themselves, are educated. This article reminds me of the need for educators of these young people to continue to grow in their understanding of adolescence. Maybe you can speak to this.
on Dec 17th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
You are right, Langston. It takes a village to raise teens and parents, educators, other family members, etc should all be responsible for these young people growing up to be healthy, well-adjusted, productive people.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful insights!