Domestic Abuse: a Precursor to Domestic Violence

With Domestic Violence Awareness Month upon us once again, it is important to stay educated and attuned to the nuances of abuse. So many people of all ages, women especially, are oblivious to the fact that a manipulative, intimidating partner has undermined their lives and taken away their self-worth and esteem.

Is it okay to be ridiculed, demeaned, criticized and blamed and still consider your relationship healthy? Is it normal to have to be interrogated for your whereabouts, your money spent or your visits with friends? How much do you have to take before your angry, intolerant partner breaks you down completely?

Domestic abuse is different than domestic violence but it is sometimes more dangerous and has longer lasting results. To be in a relationship where you constantly fear for your life or are afraid that what you say or do would result in a blowout, is more damaging than the actual physical altercation. After all, the hitting eventually stops. But emotional and mental abuse, the looks, the demeanor, the gestures continue daily, incessantly, because the manipulator knows this is how he (she) can break down their partner to be submissive and compliant.

Abusers learn at an early age how to get their way and what coercive behaviors will get them what they want. They may have been raised in an environment where they, too, cowered in shame and humiliation because of the abuse they experienced. The only way they know how to deal with conflict or confrontation is through intimidation and threats. Their coping skills are so poor that they rely on anger and frustration to fuel their behavior.

When you understand your situation, become aware of how you are feeling, and realize it doesn’t have to remain this way, you can get yourself out of the cycle of abuse. However, most times, you cannot do this alone. Seek help from a trusted friend, family member, professional therapist or your clergy.

Abuse will not stop until you decide you’ve had enough. And even though you may not be hit, slapped, pushed or kicked, you are just a “stones throw away” from the abuser crossing the line. It’s time to recognize your relationship for what it is and prepare to make some changes — because under all your fear is a treasure house of courage and strength!