5 Secrets to Parenting Your Teens
by Amy Sherman, LMHC
The most common concerns parents have with their teens is how to communicate without dealing with power struggles and conflict. There are some positive approaches you can use which will get you the positive results you desire.
The first thing to do is understand the many challenges teens face at this age. There’s peer pressure, fitting in, appearance and popularity, not to mention doing well in school, extra-curricular activities and pleasing mom and dad. There’s a lot expected of teens and unless they have the most appropriate coping skills to handle things, they will fall victim to the pressure and you will suffer their wrath.
The following are 5 effective techniques you can use to keep things positive:
1. To develop a rapport with your teen, find something you can appreciate about them, like a talent you admire, a physical trait (beautiful blue eyes) or a unique quality they possess (sensitivity to others) and focus on it. Start your conversation by acknowledging their qualities and how fortunate they are to possess them. It will get the teens in a receptive mood and get you aligned on their side.
2. Listen with empathy. Many arguments can be avoided if you put yourself in their shoes for the moment and perceive the problems through their eyes. Be sincere by letting your teens know that you can appreciate how they feel and can actually feel their pain. If your children know they can trust you with their feelings, they’ll be more inclined to open up.
3. Always be the parent. Teens need guidance and support, but they don’t want to be controlled. Making demands on them only causes them to shut down. Offering suggestions with reason is a better way to keep the dialogue going and keeps their resistance down.
4. Involve your teens in the solution by encouraging original ideas. Get them thinking and solving problems themselves. This will boost their self-esteem, increase their self-worth, and give them pride in their decision making abilities.
5. Take a genuine interest in their activities. Know who their friends are, and also what interests them outside of school. You want to show that you truly care about their lives, but that you are not overly intrusive.
Always watch for more serious warning signs that your teen may need more help than you can handle. Watch for changes in behavior (isolation, secrecy, changes in school grades, excessive sadness or depression, anger or violence) and seek immediate help with a mental health professional.
Parents who give their teens the time to grow independently, yet offer encouragement and guidance, will find that their relationship will flourish through these exhaustive and challenging teen years and manifest itself into healthy, happy bonding.
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Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. She is the author of “Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer’s Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life.” Visit http://www.bummedoutboomer.com and receive a Special Report on Overcoming Adversity when you sign up for the free eNewsletter. Amy can be reached at amy@bummedoutboomer.com or 561-281-2975.
© 2007 Amy Sherman
