Baby Boomers : The Sandwich Generation
by Amy Sherman, LMHC

As a boomer, you are familiar with the term “Sandwich Generation”. More than 25% of Americans are in this situation, involved with the care of their elderly parents while supporting and raising their own children. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to make the situation better or to show you the “right” way to do things, but education can certainly make things flow more smoothly.

While you want to be sure that your elderly parents are taken care of, you cannot neglect yourself, your marriage or your children. Therefore, don’t overload yourself with doing too much for too long. Don’t put your life on hold or your own care at the bottom of your list. Instead, be practical and do as much as you can and then seek outside help. Keep in mind that you can’t help others when you are barely able to help yourself. Therefore, by understanding your obligations to your parents and to your household, you will be able to give the necessary time and energy to each responsibility and still handle the unique aspects of your personal life.

Here are some things to consider if you are reviewing your situation:

1. Ask your relative their wishes. This will help you to understand their preferences, in terms of where to live, end of life care decisions and even funeral arrangements.

2. Know their financial situation, including any pensions, social security, stocks and bank accounts. At the same time, assess your own money situation regarding your retirement and college costs and be sure to put money away for both.

3. Establish durable power of attorney which gives you legal financial rights and also the power of attorney for health care. Have your loved one prepare a living will, which defines the extent of life-sustaining measures.

4. Investigate community home health care agencies. These are agencies that will provide aides who come in to your home or theirs to assist in the care of your relative. This could be in the form of companionship, bathing assistance, shopping, cleaning, etc. If you live hundreds of miles away, you may want to hire a geriatric case manager to oversee things, arrange resources and report back to you on a regular basis.

5. Get support for yourself. There are numerous online organizations for caregivers. Many will offer practical advice and checklists. Others will give you the emotional support you need so you don’t feel trapped.

Be observant when around your parents. Are there safety issues, questions regarding medications, or concerns about hygiene or household cleanliness? Don’t be afraid to have that difficult conversation about giving up the car or handling their finances. Done with compassion and understanding, these necessary discussions can bridge the communication gap between you and your parents and open the door to solutions before a crisis occurs or at least at the very beginning of one.

The responsibilities may feel overwhelming, but if you find a comfortable balance, you can remain a strong support for your parents as well as be the nurturing, compassionate force necessary for your immediate family.