Get Rid of Your Irrational Thinking

It’s human nature to get defensive, maybe even more so as you age. After all, you need to protect yourself against comments or actions that may be attacking your pride or be compromising to your fragile ego. However, the key is to identify the difference between a true attack, a complaint or a constructive comment – and then respond accordingly.

Because you may have preconceived ideas about how life “should be” or how you “should” relate to those around you, you may get angry when things don’t go as planned. This causes you to think irrationally and behave defensively, often inappropriately, unless you are able to catch yourself and bring the moment back into a healthier perspective.

Here are the various forms of irrational thinking, which can cause you to be defensive:

1. Making assumptions before you have all the facts – What happens is you wind up exaggerating the scenario because the information you have is not completely correct. You also assume you know what the other person is thinking, which does not always lead to the most favorable outcomes.

2. Making generalizations – This implies that something “always” happens or continues to happen, when in reality, usually things sometimes happen or you experience the event “once in a while” or occasionally.

3. All or nothing thinking – When you view things as either “black” or “white” with no gray area, you believe that life is very clean cut. Actually, most circumstances fit into shades of gray, reflecting aspects from many different areas.

4. Closed minded/shielded thinking – Obviously, you do not want to be a know-it-all and assume that you can’t learn new things. Be the kind of person who is able to accept opinions, ideas and perspectives of others because you never want to stop growing as a person.

5. Judging others – When you become hyper-critical of others, you become less aware of your own faults and shortcomings. Basically, you are saying that the problem is with them, not you. Always take responsibility for your actions by acknowledging the part you played in the development of a situation.

Once you realize that irrational thinking is based on “absolutes”, you will also know that it is impossible to maintain that kind of thinking without it leading to disappointment and frustration.

Therefore, know that you are not powerless over your irrational thoughts. You can change these destructive thought patterns by being aware of the noticeable triggers. That awareness allows you to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more rational, logical patterns of thinking. You can then behave in a manner that is more appropriate and consistent with your new rational mind-set.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you think you may be becoming irrational:
1. Am I judging the situation too harshly?
2. Am I putting blame on others when I should be looking at myself?
3. Am I able to see things objectively, or are my thoughts clouded by emotion?
4. What do I need to tell myself to change all this?

Irrational thinking will affect the quality of your life, especially if you become too rigid in your thinking. Don’t let yourself get to that point, where you feel intensely uncomfortable and impulsive. Remember, defensive people are often described as arrogant, demeaning, harsh, judgmental, vindictive and manipulative.

Is this how you want to be known by others?