The Key to Setting Boundaries

I like to think of myself as a healthy adult, who can set limits. I understand when I become too intrusive and am aware when I am too removed. I pay close attention to the cues from others and am able to maintain a healthy balance in my relationships and interactions with other individuals. I am also willing to revise my behavior so that my relationships remain strong, satisfying and equal.

However, sometimes I can miss the subtle messages and overstep another’s boundaries. It’s not intentional, but it happens anyway. Sometimes, I am the victim of someone crossing my personal boundaries. In both cases, it is important to be aware of how you both feel and make the necessary changes.

Here is how I have learned to handle things when this happens.

1. The purpose of setting boundaries is to protect yourself from people who can be abusive.

2. By stating your feelings, you let others know that your rights have been overstepped and that you are taking responsibility for yourself.

3. It is easier to set boundaries and assert yourself with people with whom you don’t have strong relationships. It becomes more difficult, but even more necessary, with those you care most about.

4. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and that it is vital if you are to love yourself. Therefore, you feel comfortable revealing to others unacceptable behavior and the changes you will like them to make.

5. When you set a boundary, you also have to let go of the outcome. This is because, some people are incapable of changing. It is their choice to refuse to make things better. You also have a choice whether you will leave the marriage, end the friendship, find a new job or distance yourself from those who make you feel so uncomfortable.

Setting personal boundaries defines the edges of your physical and emotional space. I learned to pick the most important behaviors that needed to be discussed and then I stated my request. Fortunately for me, the people I care about were willing to make the necessary improvements to keep our relationships honest, respectful and mutually satisfying. I will also do my part to make my relationships as healthy as possible and am not too proud to heed any constructive criticism that would make me a better person.